Ok, I'm going to tone it down a little. "Dirty Laundry' was a little belligerent, and that's not what I wanted. To answer your question, honestly.
I have no idea what it's like to be a woman at the point of her life with the window of motherhood closing. I understand that you had lost faith that in marriage or Mr. Right. I don’t know the pressure you are under to find a partner (married or otherwise) to create a child while you still can. Regardless, I agree that you should not be single handedly responsible for making sure there was birth control in place, especially since you wanted to get pregnant. I agree that it is his responsibility to make sure that birth control is in place in order to prevent an unwanted child. I think we are in agreement with all of that. I don't think I've ever said that women are responsible for men's obligation to use contraception. I've been consistently holding him accountable for that in my responses. That's why I was confused on how gender equality plays into this. It seems like you're trying to make a strawman argument out of that.
Where you and I disagree is you being honest him with regards your intentions. That is what I've been stressing the entire time. He assumed you were not trying to have a baby. With that assumption, he probably felt that you would have tried to avoid having unprotected sex when you knew you were ovulating. The rhythm method may not be not reliable, but it's something. Let me ask you a question, would you have still tried to have a baby if you 100% knew he did not want to? Why didn't you try to find out for sure that he did or did not want to have a child? Why didn’t you tell him you were pregnant with the first child prior to the miscarraige? You don't think he deserved the opportunity to consent to having a child? Or did you interpret his lack of concern about birth control as consent (it's not). If your answer is: "I didn't care what he wanted, my window for motherhood was closing and I needed his sperm to get pregnant", that seems predatory to me. Your response, "well, he should have protected himself", sounds like victim blaming to me. To me, he is a victim. You were intentionally trying to get pregnant with his child without his consent. You weren’t forthcoming about any of it.
Being cavalier about birth control is not the same as consenting to have a child. I don’t believe, ethically speaking, that your status and your age gives you the justification to trick someone into becoming a the parent of your child. I think you know that you should have gotten consent from him, and that's why you're not demanding child support. This whole thing is interesting to me, especially when I have a son who is 18. My message to him: wear a condom until you’re ready to have kids. Don’t let her make the decision to have children without you. It’s sad that people can’t be trusted, but like you said: that’s life.
