I've been married (happily) for 20+ years and I kind of get it. Well, to be honest, I think the guy in the anecdote is overreacting. However, he is reacting to something real.
It reminds me of the times I've heard women say about their partners "I have him trained" (like we're a seal doing tricks for fish). There's no romance in "husband material" for guys, just a long list of expectations.
The phrase "husband material" can be considered potentially problematic or exploitive, depending on the context and how it’s used.
Here’s why:
Objectification: The term "husband material" reduces a person to a set of qualities deemed desirable for marriage, which can be objectifying. It implies that a person's worth is tied to their suitability as a spouse, rather than their intrinsic value as an individual.
Reinforcement of Stereotypes: The phrase often reinforces traditional gender roles and stereotypes. It suggests that a man must possess certain traits (such as financial stability, protectiveness, or ambition) to be considered a "good" husband, which can be limiting and reductive.
Pressure and Expectations: Labeling someone as "husband material" can place undue pressure on them to conform to specific roles or expectations, even if those roles don’t align with their personal desires or identity.
Commodification of Relationships: The phrase can also imply that people are commodities to be evaluated and chosen based on a checklist of qualities, rather than seen as complex individuals with unique personalities and values.
Gender Imbalance: The phrase "husband material" has a counterpart in "wife material," both of which are often used in ways that reflect gendered expectations. This can perpetuate inequities in how men and women are viewed in the context of relationships.
While some people might use the term casually or humorously, it's important to consider the underlying implications and how it might be received by others. In some contexts, it could be seen as reducing a person to a specific role, which can be seen as exploitative or limiting.
