It's hard to have a conversation with older members of your white family when you go around throwing accusations of racism. The term, racist, is very stigmatized with older people and is generally associated with white people who are overtly racist (KKK, neo-nazis...etc).

My parents have both passed away. However, I remember them saying things, unwittingly, that exposed their racism. Instead of accusing them of being racist, I question them about what they meant and tried to make it a conversation.

Shaming my parents would have damaged my relationship with them. This would have removed my ability to influence them about anything, including racism. To be fair, educating my parents on racism was not my top priority. Having a loving, enjoyable relationship with them was. Additionally, any impact I may have made on their perspectives about racism are irrelevant today, my parents are gone.