I see myself in your husband. Two years ago, my wife actually said she wanted a divorce. It wasn't after a fight or in anger. When she told me, I could hear the sadness in her voice. She just didn't want to live her life the way things were and she didn't think I could change. There was some resentment, but mostly she was sad. There was no hate in our marriage, just frustration. We still cared deeply for one another.

She was right, I couldn't change...sadly enough. Not for her. Instead, I recognized that I needed to change in order to survive the divorce. I didn't want to be one of those men that acted like teenagers after divorce. I wanted to continue to be an important part of my kids lives and I wanted to make sure I could provide a home for them as a co-parent. So I started to pretend that she wasn't going to be there to do all of the things that keep the house running. I started to take care of a lot things myself. At first, she was like, "what are you doing?". And I would answer, "Well, you're not going to be here to do this for me. I need to learn to start doing this myself." She would respond, "Oh great, now you want to pay attention to these things...after we're headed for divorce." I would smile and say, "Well, better late than never."

Meanwhile, my wife was busy trying to figure how she would be able to handle life after the divorce, financially. I made more money than she did, and I spent alot less. She wanted to become more fiscally responsible so that she could survive the divorce. We agreed to separate our finances. We came up with a plan, until we were ready to divorce, where we would have the same amount of discretionary income and the rest of the money was only for paying bills, putting food on the table and savings.

Ironically, my lack of participation in adulting at home and her lack of discipline in financial matters were the primary problems in our marriage. I guess we were co-dependent. Our enablement of each other had kept us from addressing our respective failings. Six months later, she didn't want the divorce anymore and neither did I.