Good article. This subject is near to my heart, so sorry for the long response.

My mentor is a woman and I've worked with her for decades. I kind of like that my mentor is a woman, but I didn't actively seek that. She has reviewed my work, both as a developer and as an architect. She could be brutal:

"This makes no sense"

"What an absolute mess."

"I don't think you've thought this through"

"That's lazy"

"What a dumb name."

I would like to point out she only made generalized comments about my work, not me personally. She never said I was lazy, dumb or incompetent.

Lots of the same stuff you saw. It hurt and it still hurts. I had a coworker tell me one time, "I just don't take it personally". I don't know how he can care about his work and not take it personally. (to be fair, his work was really good) I would give myself some time to shake it off and go back and look at her criticism dispassionately.

Sometimes I would agree with her, sometimes I wouldn't. Regardless, she would hold me responsible for the outcome. If she gave me bad advice, and I thought it was bad advice and I didn't go to the mat (wrestling term) with her on it, she would still hold me responsible. "That was bad advice, why didn't you question it?" She had little tolerance for me capitulating out of conflict fatigue.

Over the years, I noticed that she was much more diplomatic with others. In fact, she and I argued in meetings and it often made others feel uncomfortable. I realize now, that she needed someone who she could shoot straight with. She needed someone to challenge her on her ideas. Some of our best designs that we came up with are ones we had the most heated arguments.

I don't know every situation, but harsh criticism can be a sign of respect too. As a seasoned professional, you probably know this. I just wanted to point it out.