For the most part, this seems to be a problem with cis-hetero-normative relationships. Women almost never ask men out. That was most certainly true when I was single (married in 2001) It's always the men doing the asking. Therefore it's up to the man to announce that it's Dutch or pay. My first decade of being single, I was dirt poor. I was as poor or poorer than any of the women I knew. (gender pay gap for those under 24 is pretty low) For me to pay for a single date, usually meant that I would use up all of my disposable income for that week. This means no savings for that week, and certainly no other social activities. That's a significant sacrifice for a young man in his twenties and I can say that most women at the time expected it. Back then, if I were to announce that it was Dutch, she probably would have retracted her acceptance. Most women my age were dating older men who had more money. This left younger men, who were struggling to find their place in the world, out of the data scene at a time when they were the most compelled to date.

Women don't ask men out. Most women prefer to be asked out. That tendency maybe changing, but it's nowhere near even. But why? Since it's breaking social norms, they probably don't want to look to eager. That's my guess. Regardless, that's not likely to change anytime soon. Why not make going Dutch the default and stop expecting men to pay for everything? It certainly will take the pressure of the 1st and 2nd date.